The first few days on Optifast were fine, I was in a routine, getting used to only shakes and hoping my body entered Ketosis early. By the end if week one I was doing ok, then December 27 hit. From that day forward I have struggling with daily cravings, wants, needs to eat something, anything other than Optifast. I used my coping skills, or what I thought were my coping skills to fight the urge everytime. Boy was I wrong, I realized that my coping skills were to bottle up the emotions and make it seem like "I had this" to the world.
New Years Eve, I came home from work and that was my last straw, I curled up in bed and cried in my husbands arms for what felt like hours. One thing I am good at is keeping things inside and not voicing them when I should, so after I explained how hard I have been fighting an urge to eat these past few days he finally understood. I have been cranky, tired and just mentally exhausted. I thought finally opening up with my husband would make things better or easier to manage and they have been but the cravings and want's are still occurring.
Last night, we arrived home from work and all I wanted to do was eat. I recognized that I wasn't actually hungry because I have been in Ketosis for over a week now but I finally gave in. I ate! I ate Donair pizza, one of my most favourite comfort foods of all time! My husband is very supportive and would not order, he said that if I chose to eat tonight that he wasn't ordering it. I actually stared at my phone for over 39 minutes (I kept track) before I placed the call. What was so interesting is that before starting this journey I wouldn't hesitate to place an order it was a second nature. Last night I recognized that I truley did not want to place that order or eat, and the fact that it took me 39 minutes to actually do it was success. I did not have complete succes because I ate, but I was aware of my choices and knew what the right choice was. Obviously I did not make the right choice but I look back today as I reflect and realize that what happened last night may be more important than if I just said no, bottled my emotions and went on and had my shake. I ate the pizza, I did not scarf it down like I used to, I ate it slow and savoured the taste. I ate less than I normally would have and didn't feel anxious or upset that I left pieces behind. I slept like shit last night, I was bloated and thirsty and I woke up more tired than usual. I am out of ketosis right now and not missing the bad breath and so far I am not having cravings today. I gathered my shakes, threw them into my purse and started my day. Surprisingly the first shake tasted good!
I feel stronger today, that I know I can get through these next 3 months of liquid now. If I didn't eat last night how would I be feeling today?!
