Ok, So I Did It!

My post last week was a wake up call.  I think I have read it 5 times since posting it reminding myself if how I physically and mentally was feeling about my weight gain.  Last night while in group session it felt great to hear others struggles and successes all while recognizing with myself that we are in maintenance and part of this journey is to learn how to maintain our current body weight and not to focus on how much I want to lose before next weigh in.

At the end of transition and as I moved into maintenance my body was at its ultimate loss of 89 lbs, a loss that occurred because of drastic calorie reductions.  It didn't happen because I started exercising or eating the "right" foods.  That is what I am focused on now to maintain my current weight.  Realistically, maintaining those 89 lbs of loss would never happen because I am now eating food again and my calories have doubled from a mere 900.  So, me gaining 14 lbs back was my body adjusting and finding its  happy place and it wasn't until last night that I truly came to peace with it thanks to a group member who pointed this out to all of us.  

This past week I made a plan and stuck to it, I stayed within my calories while enjoying a few indulgences and increased my activity.  Last night I showed an increase of 1 lb on the scale but as a whole within the past month I have fluctuated between 1-2 lbs as a gain or loss which means that I am maintaining 75 lbs of loss and I feel great about that.

I am taking each week by week and now putting all my energy into being content with where I am in this journey.  I do want to loose these 14 lbs I have gained back but I need to do it the right way or should I say the realistic way because this journey of Optifast was not real life, it was  a drastic approach to weight loss which has provided me with all the tools and knowledge to live a healthy and active lifestyle and I just need to do it!

Reality Check...I Can Do This!!

Ok, so maybe I have been lying to myself.  I don't have this, at least not at the moment.  I lost it somewhere in the last three weeks.  Maintenance is not that hard, it's the food addiction that is hard!

Last night, I stepped on my scale at home after eating a box of cookies and was shocked at the number, what happened during these these past 8 days I am not sure.  The number was up quite a bit, I am definitely retaining some fluid as my cycle is due any day, but that's not the only reason!  Who am I kidding, not myself that's for darn sure.  I cried myself to sleep because I am so pissed off at the fact that I let myself slip back into a few old habits over these past few weeks.  I have the tools and the desire to succeed at this, there are no excuses because I have come so far and I know what it has taken to get where I am.  It is this battle with my food addiction that has me where I am! I knew that during transition and maintenance I would gain back 5-10 lbs as it is expected moving from eating a minimal 900 cal to now 2000 cal but I have gained back 15 lbs and at this point I am starting to feel it and know I need to get a grip now!

So, I woke up this morning with a clear head and I am re-directing my pissed off thoughts to fighting this addiction.  My food is packed for the day and my food tracker now has writing on it :) The only person who can do this is me and only me! I am back on track and ready.  

I have my program session this Wednesday coming and my goal for these next 6 days is to stay on track which will hopefully result in the loss of these 5 extra lbs :)

Summer Dayzzzzzz

Its summer and that can only mean one thing, Food!

It is so interesting when you take the time to jot down those days throughout the year that are associated with food, like December for instance, there are work xmas dinners; family parties; xmas eve; xmas day; boxing day; leftovers; oh yeah and of course New Years Eve and New Years Day.  Well, we often forget summer time and its many festivities and that is what I am faced with now that summer is here :)  I am well into maintenance now and battling daily addiction queues which has made for a rocky past few weeks.  I have definitely eaten quite a few things I said I would never go back to and some I have enjoyed, while others I could do without.   I am keeping up my exercise and trying to get through each day, but it is days like today when all I can think about is food.  My husband and I went for a wonderful walk this morning after a regular balanced breakfast, came home and made a well balanced lunch, but all I can think about is tonights bbq that we are going to and what I will eat.  Keeping within my calories is my current number one focus because it is so easy to slip past that magical number.  I never realized how tough battling the addiction side of this journey would be, I know to eat the correct things and I know when its time to stop but there is always the addiction in the back of my head telling me "go ahead, have some more!"

So, tonight I am going to a summer bbq, one of many summer events which revolve around food.  While everyone is enjoying their beer, food and good conversations I will be constantly fighting myself to not have seconds or eat the pasta salad instead of the green salad which I know I should choose and actually enjoy eating.  If I decide before I go not to have an item and I set my mind to it, I can usually get through it which is very positive.  It is those times when I say I am not going to have something and I am presented with that item that the addiction kicks in and I begin the battle.  I am sure I sound pretty crazy but it hasn't been until the maintenance phase that I was really faced with my food addiction.  Honeslty, most people cannot relate to this battle that food addicts have.  I have had people tell me to "just don't eat it" to "just have one bite", these are the people that definitely cannot relate and have never had an issue with food before.

Food is a daily requirement and not a choice, we have to eat to survive unlike a smoking addiction which is a choice.  But dont get me wrong, they both come with the same addictions and struggles while quitting or giving up a food!        

Week 28

Last night's session was my first after switching to bi-weekly sessions and I truly can say that I missed not going these past two weeks.  I was surprised last night at how many people from our group did not attend, it made for a quick night with not much discussion.  I hope that we continue to have most group members attend every two weeks so that we can all help each other to stay in tract.

I have been in full maintenance for the past few weeks and its been a struggle, there were numerous times that I would "test" the waters and have something I thought I wouldn't consume for months to come.  I am still recording what I am eating regardless if it is on my exchange list or not so in any given day I know exactly what I have eaten, good or bad :) Since the start of transition I have gained back 5 lb, some of which I know are from transitioning to my new calories but these past two weeks I have gained back 2.5 lb and I know it's from my food choices.  Last night it hit me that I need to re-evaluate what I am doing and why I am doing it.  Before entering maintenance I actually was only 11 lbs away from reaching 100 lbs of weight loss and now I am 16.5 lbs away.  I want to reach this goal on my own and I know I can do it.  I have all of the tools and resources available, I know what to eat and when to eat it, I am way more active then I ever was and can do this.

So,  with that being said I am back on track.  I woke up this morning and prepared my meals for the day and wrote everything down.  The goal over the course of these next two weeks is to focus in me and my food choices, become more diligent with my daily walking and journal more.  I knew there would be struggles, but I didn't think they would arrive so early on.  I have the support of a few other  group members who are also struggling a bit right now and we have all made it our mission to get back on track together which is what I think we all need! Especially me!

Week 26.....busy dayz

Wow, life has been super busy, but even though life is busy eating will always be a part of my day.  Now officially half way through the program, the past few weeks have been good and bad at the same time.  On a positive note I have increased my activity, started an aqua-fit class once a week and walk 3-4 days a week for 20-30 minutes each time.  I am feeling great with my level of activity, walking is easier than it ever has been and my body just moves around with ease.  I do not have pain in my back or in my legs and my feet do not hurt from standing for periods of time.  

Now with that being said eating has been a bit if a struggle, not everyday but just once in a while.  For the past few weeks while entering into maintenance and increasing my calories I have definitely tested my limits with food.  For some reason foods I said I would never eat again have snuck back into my life.  Chocolate for instance is something I have had more than once but feel gross after eating it,  another food item I have had lately is Nutella on a piece of toast.  Something that could sit in the cupboard for months prior to this program I couldn't get enough of past week.  Again feeling gross after eating it I still wet back to it.  I am constantly reflecting by journaling and trying to determine why I may be seeking these items.  From what I can tell it seems like I am just "testing the water" if I eat this will I gain weight?  It's amazing how quickly I chose to try a few things and how easy it was for me to just decide to eat them.  

Over these past few weeks while increasing calories and activity I have gained 4 lbs back, I know by journaling and keeping a food log that I have gained these lbs because its expected during this phase but I am reminding myself that I need to keep track of this because it could easily get out of control for me.  I knew this part would be the hardest part of this journey for me because I do not have shakes to rely on as a quick fix.  Everyday I have to plan and cook to ensure I have enough to eat and I am getting all my exchanges as I should be.  I am still enjoying cooking and trying new flavours, my taste buds are still shocked when I try something new or introduce a flavour that's strong.  I am satisfied with my exchanges and am not experiencing extreme hunger which could cause me to overeat  or indulge in something I shouldn't.  I just need to remember that this is a journey and there will be ups and downs and as long as I always go back to what I know are the right choices I am ok with the little slips that I may have, it's a part of learning how to live a realistic healthy lifestyle.

Ok, so I gained my first pound!

Just got home from my weekly session and it was a fantastic one tonight! We shared a few recipes and tasted a few new items as a group. Very interactive and supportive with learning about new foods we may not have tried before. I came home with a few new recipes in which I cannot wait to try and some even my husband may enjoy.

With that being said, I gained my first pound this week since starting this program. I actually wasn't surprised and I am handling it better than I thought I would. From years of losing and gaining weight, gaining weight can be considered a negative thing in an obese persons eyes when trying to make healthy changes. This week was a little overwhelming with trying to consume my new caloric intake and with increasing calories comes a bit of weight gain. Obviously I am worried about gaining more weight but I need to remind myself that if I gain weight it isn't because of overeating as per previous weight loss attempts, it is because my body is trying to stabilize itself on new food choices and increased calories!

I am proud of myself for not feeling negativity with a pound gained like I used to do so. This just means that I am growing in this journey and able to move past these minor setbacks and look forward to the next few weeks. With that being said, there are only 3 more weeks left until my group sessions switch to biweekly!! Time is just flying by.

Before and After....I think it's starting to sink in.

I wanted to post a before and after image because its important for me to recognize how far I have come.  When I started this program, unlike many others I did not take a before picture and wish I had of.  While I was scanning through a few pictures on my phone I happened to find a picture taken just one week before I started this program.  It is often hard to "see" a difference in myself other then the fact that I see the number on the scale and know my clothes are way too big.  So after coming across this before picture I decided to take a few others one in March and then again in May.  I often stare at this picture because it puts in perspective where I was and where I am now only 6 months later.  This past week we had mid way point assessments completed and I want to share a few interesting numbers and facts that hit me harder then just looking at a before and after picture.

So here it goes:

-          87 lbs lost

-          67 lbs of weight lost is fat mass

-          22% of my initial body weight lost

-          BMI went down 14 points

-          Body fat % dropped 6 points (which means my body is no longer half fat, it is less now)

-          Waist circumference dropped 21 cm

-          Total cholesterol dropped from 5.23 to 3.49, LDL (bad cholesterol) dropped from 3.79 to 2.33 which is now excellent

-          AIC (3 month sugar test) dropped from 6.1 to 5.1 which means my risk of developing pre-diabetes at this point has vanished

-          Average blood pressure reading dropped from 140/92 to 105/64 now (average)

-          Standard shuttle walking test, level 4/12 in November and level 8/12 now in May, huge success.

-          2 clothing sizes dropped in tops and 2 clothing sizes dropped in pants

It is this information that is keeping me motivated to stay on track and keep up with this new journey.  I cannot believe where I was headed to where I am now, I am a brand new person with a new outlook on life.  I can do things now that we're such a task before because I was too tired or just couldn't move.  I know I still have more weight to loose and do plan on entering into this program again in November when my current program finishes because this is working for me.  I want to be as healthy as I can be with whatever weight I finish up at after next round.  Some people have said "why spend more money and do this program again?" Well, this is the only thing that has worked for me to date and its about my health in the long run and what's another year anyway in a journey I have committed myself to, to get healthy.  I am on a "Big Journey" and this is only just the beginning!!