Reality

Well,  It is the end of the week and this week was a busy one.  On Thursday I had my first set of assessments at pfhw, I was excited and looking forward to this next step as it moves me closer to my start date.  I don't think I was ready for the reality that hit me during my assessments.  My appointment was at 9:00am, I arrived at 8:45am with enough time to read some material and wait for my first assessment, there was one other lady waiting for her assessment as well and she looked quite anxious!  I met with the Psychologist first and she was very friendly, her first question to me before we started was "Why don't you tell me why you are here".  Well like clockwork the waterworks came on, as I get older I am finding myself to be more emotional, whether I am watching a movie or reading a book or listening to a conversation or expressing myself I tend to cry, I told her this is who I am and she gave me comfort in saying that she see's a lot of crying in this clinic!
She proceeded to go over my online assessment in which she said helps her to paint a picture of me and my background and habits.  What I learned is that not only do I enjoy food, I plan my eating binges they call them.  People who are obese and eat do one of two things, they either plan their eating binge or they don't.  Example:  Two people are hungry after work, the first person goes to the grocery store and just picks up a few things and eats them, the second person plans their eating binge and decides when and what they are going to consume even though they know it is over the top.  Well that is me,  I plan my eating binges and can pin point examples where I have done just that :-) I left that assessment knowing that I have some work ahead of me but I am ready for it.
My next assessment was with the Dietitian,  I was really looking forward to it and discussing a few of my concerns, and how I was going to be able to get through them as the weeks progress.  The first thing she did was take my height and weight...well that was it for me I looked at the scale and was in shock!  I stared at the number for probably 30 seconds before I heard her tell me twice that we can move to the height machine now.  I am currently at the heaviest weight I have ever been and immediately felt embarrassed.  As you read this I know you are interested in knowing my starting weight but I am not ready yet to express it.  I have no idea how I let myself go as far as I did but I do know that this program is exactly where I need to be to start.  She asked me "Do you have a goal weight in mind" I told her not at this point...she was quite happy to hear me say that because it is not about the number on the scale with this program it is about your overall health!  The dietitian proceeded to go over a bit of my returned blood work and she said that everything is in normal range except for my iron levels (which have always been an issue for me) and my vitamin D levels!
I left my assessments with confidence in my decision to take this journey and look forward to the next step.  My next and final step before the start date is my Physician assessment which is not until mid September, it is a quick 30 minute assessment for the doctor to get to know me and my physical makeup.
Earlier this week I also had and appointment with my family physician, as he referred me he is well aware of each stage I am at.  He wants me to not wait until the October start date to make changes, he wants me to start now.  I looked at him and said "easier said than done" he told me that I am the only person holding back no one else is.  After leaving my assessments and learning of my current weight I said "OK, my doctor is right.  I need to start now." But no sooner then me saying that, I stopped for some take out food on my way home and said to myself "I will start after my vacation." Until next time!