My husband and I are spending Easter with his family for a few days, the weather is beautiful and the company is wonderful. We have to travel about 4 hours to get to their place and I had to plan all week so that I would be prepared food wise while staying at their place. We left Friday morning, so I spent all evening measuring, cooking and weighing food so that this weekend would be easy for me and it has been for the most part. Now that I am down to 1 shake at lunch, preparing for a mini vacation is a little overwhelming. I definitely miss the fact that I cannot just pick up and go with my 4 shakes stuffed in my purse. The drive Friday morning was good, no temptations or cravings along the way. We definitely talked about how we used to stop for lunch or a snack along the way but this time even my husband packed a lunch for himself to have on the drive. I was so proud of him.
Friday night while everyone ate fried fish for good Friday I cooked up some salmon and had it with a quinoa stir-fry. Them eating in front of me did not phase me in the least, the smell of the fried fish was not tempting me at all and we enjoyed our meals and that was that. His parents are very supportive of me doing this program and this is my first time being out of my comfort zone and not being able to control what types of food are being placed on the table. Now, with that being said today was a different story. My husband and I were out running a few errands, I took my shake with me for lunch as well as my snack just in case I needed it. I definitely wanted those few treats that we used to always get when visiting his parents, a particular ice-cream cone from a local ice cream parlor and a particular submarine sandwich that you can only get here in this home town. The thing is, I knew I was not hungry, I was just wanting them out of habit and hence why I am blogging now about it, it was easy to just mix my shake and move forward. This evening we had Easter turkey dinner and I was able to enjoy some white turkey meat along with my pre-cooked side dishes from home. It wasn't until tonight's meal that I would be faced with a very difficult situation. I never knew how hard it would be for me to sit at the table with a few other people eating a full course turkey dinner, even at Christmas it wasn't as hard as tonight. My dinner tasted amazing and I savored my little bit of white turkey meat but the smell of the dark turkey meat and the stuffing smothered in my mother-in-laws amazing gravy from everyone else plates almost made me want to cry. I actually picked up a piece of the stuffing and smelt it for maybe 30 seconds, looking at it, contemplating putting it into my mouth. I did the same thing with my husbands fresh baked white roll with butter on it, I wanted a bite of that so bad. I couldn't think about anything but these few items and how I wanted a bite. I couldn't get up from the table and journal about my thoughts and experiences because it would have looked quite odd. So, I sat there and ate my dinner, and at this point I am not sure I even remember what my turkey meat tasted like LOL
Its now its after 7:30pm, my husband is out with one of his friends that he never gets to see and I decided to stay in to journal and reflect. The stuffing and rolls are to this moment still calling my name and I am avoiding the kitchen until further notice :) Up until now everything has seemed so easy to me and now I know it is because I am always in my own comfort zone with food. It is situations like this which will happen multiple times that I have to use all of my skills to avoid the temptation. Could I have had a bite of stuffing tonight, not felt guilty and went about the rest of my meal, YES I could have. But I know in my heart that if I am going to deal with my food addictions I cannot let myself go the route of taking the bite and being ok with it because before long I will start taking bites of everything just because its only one bite right!!
No comments:
Post a Comment