Happy Easter.....it's only one bite right?

My husband and I are spending Easter with his family for a few days, the weather is beautiful and the company is wonderful.  We have to travel about 4 hours to get to their place and I had to plan all week so that I would be prepared food wise while staying at their place.  We left Friday morning,  so I spent all evening measuring, cooking and weighing food so that this weekend would be easy for me and it has been for the most part.  Now that I am down to 1 shake at lunch, preparing for a mini vacation is a little overwhelming.  I definitely miss the fact that I cannot just pick up and go with my 4 shakes stuffed in my purse.  The drive Friday morning was good, no temptations or cravings along the way.  We definitely talked about how we used to stop for lunch or a snack along the way but this time even my husband packed a lunch for himself to have on the drive.  I was so proud of him.

Friday night while everyone ate fried fish for good Friday I cooked up some salmon and had it with a quinoa stir-fry.  Them eating in front of me did not phase me in the least, the smell of the fried fish was not tempting me at all and we enjoyed our meals and that was that.  His parents are very supportive of me doing this program and this is my first time being out of my comfort zone and not being able to control what types of food are being placed on the table.  Now, with that being said today was a different story.  My husband and I were out running a few errands, I took my shake with me for lunch as well as my snack just in case I needed it.  I definitely wanted those few treats that we used to always get when visiting his parents, a particular ice-cream cone from a local ice cream parlor and a particular submarine sandwich that you can only get here in this home town.  The thing is, I knew I was not hungry, I was just wanting them out of habit and hence why I am blogging now about it, it was easy to just mix my shake and move forward.  This evening we had Easter turkey dinner and I was able to enjoy some white turkey meat along with my pre-cooked side dishes from home.  It wasn't until tonight's meal that I would be faced with a very difficult situation.  I never knew how hard it would be for me to sit at the table with a few other people eating a full course turkey dinner, even at Christmas it wasn't as hard as tonight.  My dinner tasted amazing and I savored my little bit of white turkey meat but the smell of the dark turkey meat and the stuffing smothered in my mother-in-laws amazing gravy from everyone else plates almost made me want to cry.  I actually picked up a piece of the stuffing and smelt it for maybe 30 seconds, looking at it, contemplating putting it into my mouth.  I did the same thing with my husbands fresh baked white roll with butter on it, I wanted a bite of that so bad.  I couldn't think about anything but these few items and how I wanted a bite.  I couldn't get up from the table and journal about my thoughts and experiences because it would have looked quite odd.  So, I sat there and ate my dinner, and at this point I am not sure I even remember what my turkey meat tasted like LOL  

Its now its after 7:30pm, my husband is out with one of his friends that he never gets to see and I decided to stay in to journal and reflect.  The stuffing and  rolls are to this moment still calling my name and I am avoiding the kitchen until further notice :) Up until now everything has seemed so easy to me and now I know it is because I am always in my own comfort zone with food.  It is situations like this which will happen multiple times that I have to use all of my skills to avoid the temptation.  Could I have had a bite of stuffing tonight, not felt guilty and went about the rest of my meal, YES I could have.   But I know in my heart that if I am going to deal with my food addictions I cannot let myself go the route of taking the bite and being ok with it because before long I will start taking bites of everything just because its only one bite right!! 

Week 20

Bye bye two shakes a day. I have officially finished week 3 of transition and two shakes a day. Week 3 of transition was pretty darn good. Eating a bit more and fully savouring each bite, I lost another 4.5 lbs this week for a total of 79.5 to date (I think it's ok to round to 80 at this point since we are weighed with clothes on :)) Starting tomorrow I am now down to consuming one shake a day for the next two weeks and and increasing to breakfast, snack and supper. To be honest I am looking forward to incorporating a snack into my day and dropping a shake. I thought transitioning off shakes would be hard as drinking only shakes is easy but the closer I get to final transition the less I think about the shakes.

This past week I also had my dietitian appointment which was actually very informative, I was provided with my caloric intake for the next 6 months and some meal planning ideas. I utilized my entire hour to ask questions like - which yogurt is the best? to do I need to eat the reduced sodium canned tuna.

Today at work I had a moment of temptation, the first time at work in quite a while. A meeting took place where lunch was provided and leftover sandwiches ad cookies were placed in the kitchen to eat. I immediately felt anxiety as I was sitting in the lunch room finishing off my lunch, I didn't "want" a cookie or sandwich but just seeing them sitting there made me want to eat them out of habit. It was a defined moment in this process as it again is a reminder that there will always be tempting situations at throughout my day or week that are out of my control. It was a pivotal moment for me and one which I had to journal about during and after in order to pass the temptation. But the temptation did pass and it felt great knowing I was able to put the skills I have learned into use.

This weekend is Easter and my husband and I are headed out of town to stay with his parents. All week I have been planning meals and snacks that I will be taking with me. My husbands mother is an amazing cook and this will be my first time away and out of my comfort zone entirely. Planning what I am going to bring is so important to ensure I have everything I need to follow my daily meal plans. I will definitely post a blog about this weekend and my struggles and triumphs :) Happy Easter to everyone!

Week 19

Its finally spring!!!
Two weeks into transition and feeling great. Last night I lost another 4 lbs for a total of 75 to date. This past week I was able to introduce breakfast which I must say is my favourite meal so far, there is not much thought put into it at this point. My go to staple breakfasts are oatmeal with either berries or a piece of fruit cut up in it with almonds or a boiled egg for protein. Weekends I like to mix it up with an egg white and quinoa omelette with sautéed veggies and a tablespoon of homemade salsa. This past week my fullness feeling has slowed down which is allowing me to eat my full exchanges as expected to do so.

For this next week I am still having two shakes a day, I find I am looking forward to those two shakes. I have one for lunch and then again in the late evening as a snack. Having two shakes gives me the opportunity to still be flexible with my supper meal. If I have a commitment or appointment around the supper hour I move my lunch shake to supper and have supper for lunch and that is working out ok. But with that being said I am pretty sure it will be an adjustment when I introduce another meal next week. Having the shakes are easy, throw in the purse and go and not think about it. Obviously that can't last, the shakes must end.

Tonight I have a scheduled dietitian appointment with our program dietitian and I cannot wait. I am feeling very confident in my ability to make good choices at this point. But I am not going to lie, I am a little bit nervous about tonight and finding out what my final caloric intake will be after transition and whether or not I will physically be able to consume the amount of food they may want me to when I am already having trouble with such little food I am having now. I hope she is able to guide me with the right decisions ad be realistic.

Week 17 &18

Well I made it through my first week of transition and with another 4 lbs lost last week and 2 lbs lost this week I have passed the 70 lb mark!! I feel great and I am enjoying this process of eating again.

My first week of eating suppers went well, very few stomach issues and everything tasted so great. I constantly have to remind myself about mindful eating and enjoying each meal to its fullest. While eating my supper meals I have been reflecting on what each bite tastes like, did I chew enough ( for the most part I do not chew enough) and had to stop myself a few times from swallowing before chewing. One thing I am definitely picking up on is the fullness I am feeling while eating. It is amazing at this point how quickly I feel full while eating, this is a foreign concept to me as prior to starting this program I could eat and eat and rarely feel that full feeling. I welcome this new feeling as I am becoming more aware of how much food my stomach can actually hold and at this point it is not much. But, again it is not much compared to what I used to consume and it feels great knowing that I can recognize stomach fullness now.

Another thing I have noticed since starting to eat again is I do not have a desire at all for those foods I used to binge on, crave and devour too often. Is it because I am feeling satisfied with the fact that I am eating again? Or is it because I have broken my habits ad addictions to those foods? I think a bit of both. Don't get me wrong, I know 100% that I will have days of temptations and wants just like before but the difference now is I have the confidence in myself to say no. I know my trigger foods and I will stay clear of them, will I have cake for my birthday this year? No, but I could make a yummy fruit salad instead and put a candle in it right!

I am still a food addict but now I have the skills and tools to recognize and beat those urges even while consuming healthy food. Honestly, I would never be where I am right now if it wasn't for this program and I can finally recognize and admit it and know that with everyday I am becoming a healthier person inside and out!

My First Meal

Well today was the first day of transition, I made it through 12 weeks of liquid and cannot believe that I did it. I am so proud of myself and am looking forward to these next 6 weeks of food introduction. I have been meal planning all week and was looking forward to my first meal! My first week I will be consuming 3 shakes and a supper meal daily.

My husband was out with friends tonight so it gave me some time alone to cook and enjoy. I came home after work and turned on the music in the kitchen and started cooking. I baked a fresh chicken breast in the oven topped with chopped rosemary, while that was cooking I sliced a Fuji apple and mixed the slices in a bowl with a tsp of cinnamon and a tsp of lemon juice. I baked the apple slices in the oven on a baking sheet until soft. I then steamed chopped carrots with pepper.

I started eating at 6:00pm, my first bite was of a piece of carrot, I used the tools provided in my mindful eating session to take my time chewing and experiencing the piece of carrot, it was warm and sweet, the pepper was very strong on my pallet. I then ate a piece of chicken and the flavour was amazing, I used to smother it with sauces but just chicken and rosemary was so delicious, I found myself chewing the chicken longer just to preserve the flavour. By 6:10pm I was starting to feel full and my stomach was feeling just a bit uneasy, I could feel the food in my stomach but I knew I had to keep eating a bit more. I tried an apple slice and it was amazing, so sweet and warm and it tasted like I was eating a piece of apple pie minus the crust and extra sugar added. By the time 6:20 rolled around I couldn't finish any more apple and was truly full, I decided to save the apples till later in the evening which I just consumed instead of forcing them in.

It's 8pm and I feel good, other than my stomach being a bit uneasy I really enjoyed my first experience with food. Tomorrow supper i am having 3 oz baked haddock with fresh mango salsa i made on top. I think I will be ok with this, let's just hope my stomach feels the same :)

What a loss of 60 lbs actually means to me

I have been keeping track of little things that I am noticing with my weight loss, when I reached 60lbs, little milestones of accomplishments were popping up everywhere and these are things I used to stress about or were just a part of me living life obese.  Don't' get me wrong, I am still obese and have much more weight to lose but just these little things show me everyday that I made the right choice in this program and will keep this weight off as I look toward the next 60 lbs.

- I feel more confident in myself and my body
- Clothing, I have dropped 2 sizes in tops and almost 2 sizes in bottoms. Means I had to do a bit of shopping :)
- I can sit in a movie theater seat and not have to raise the arm :)
- I can sit in my car, or anyone's car for that matter and not push the seat way back and do up my seatbelt with my heavy winter coat on.
 - What mild sleep-apnea I did have previous to starting this program has almost vanished from my last checkup in January.
- I have lost almost 20% of my body weight
- I am moving around with ease and quicker than ever before
- I can walk/run up a flight of stairs and not be winded
- I wore a bracelet the other day which I used to have to stretch a bit and now it hangs off my wrist
- My ankles and feet are not swollen at the end of the day


I will keep adding to this as I notice things :)

Week 16

This is it, I am officially in my last week of liquid only.  This past week was another good one for me I lost 5 lbs for a total of 65 lbs to date with one more week of liquid to go and 6 weeks of transition.  Time has flown by, I often find myself thinking back to when I started this journey and thought getting through 12 week of liquid would just be unbearable, but in reality it was so easy and here I am just a few days away from taking my first bite of food again.

With that being said, I am definitely anxious about eating again, will my stomach be able to tolerate certain foods, will I enjoy eating again, will I be able to control my wants around certain foods.  Last week was not the easiest and with just a few days left of my final week of liquid I am not finding it to be the most pleasant.  I have the urge to eat, I want to slip a taste of things I am making for my husband and all along I never had the urge to do so.  I know that this is psychological because I am so near the end of liquid and I continue to fight through those urges.

These past few weeks in group session we have focused on transition and meal planning, I know meal planning will be imperative for me as I move through transition as I will no longer have the flexibility of just grabbing 2-3 shakes as I fly out the door in the morning.  I am embracing these next 6 weeks of change as well as taking an opportunity to explore new vegetables I have never thought about before.  With a very strict list of transition foods, I need to be creative so that I am not just eating 3 oz of chicken, a cup of carrots and an apple on the side everyday.  My group peers are very creative and have all provided many different recipe options so that we all get the most out of transition.

So what will my first meal be, I have thought about this for a few days while tackling meal planning.  I really don't think that for my first meal I want to jump into something unrealistic just to get powerful flavor, whatever I choose will be more flavorful than the last 12 weeks of chocolate shakes I am sure.  So this is what I have decided to have on Thursday for my first supper meal:
- 3 oz of fresh grilled chicken breast with fresh rosemary 
- 1 cup of steamed carrots with pepper
- 1 oven baked apple (sliced) with cinnamon and lemon juice
Now, I know I am having chicken, carrots and an apple but it is my first meal and I want to make it easy :) Plus, what better than a juicy piece of chicken, sweet carrots and warm baked apple slices, frig my mouth is watering typing this. Time for a shake I think!