Ok, so I gained my first pound!

Just got home from my weekly session and it was a fantastic one tonight! We shared a few recipes and tasted a few new items as a group. Very interactive and supportive with learning about new foods we may not have tried before. I came home with a few new recipes in which I cannot wait to try and some even my husband may enjoy.

With that being said, I gained my first pound this week since starting this program. I actually wasn't surprised and I am handling it better than I thought I would. From years of losing and gaining weight, gaining weight can be considered a negative thing in an obese persons eyes when trying to make healthy changes. This week was a little overwhelming with trying to consume my new caloric intake and with increasing calories comes a bit of weight gain. Obviously I am worried about gaining more weight but I need to remind myself that if I gain weight it isn't because of overeating as per previous weight loss attempts, it is because my body is trying to stabilize itself on new food choices and increased calories!

I am proud of myself for not feeling negativity with a pound gained like I used to do so. This just means that I am growing in this journey and able to move past these minor setbacks and look forward to the next few weeks. With that being said, there are only 3 more weeks left until my group sessions switch to biweekly!! Time is just flying by.

Before and After....I think it's starting to sink in.

I wanted to post a before and after image because its important for me to recognize how far I have come.  When I started this program, unlike many others I did not take a before picture and wish I had of.  While I was scanning through a few pictures on my phone I happened to find a picture taken just one week before I started this program.  It is often hard to "see" a difference in myself other then the fact that I see the number on the scale and know my clothes are way too big.  So after coming across this before picture I decided to take a few others one in March and then again in May.  I often stare at this picture because it puts in perspective where I was and where I am now only 6 months later.  This past week we had mid way point assessments completed and I want to share a few interesting numbers and facts that hit me harder then just looking at a before and after picture.

So here it goes:

-          87 lbs lost

-          67 lbs of weight lost is fat mass

-          22% of my initial body weight lost

-          BMI went down 14 points

-          Body fat % dropped 6 points (which means my body is no longer half fat, it is less now)

-          Waist circumference dropped 21 cm

-          Total cholesterol dropped from 5.23 to 3.49, LDL (bad cholesterol) dropped from 3.79 to 2.33 which is now excellent

-          AIC (3 month sugar test) dropped from 6.1 to 5.1 which means my risk of developing pre-diabetes at this point has vanished

-          Average blood pressure reading dropped from 140/92 to 105/64 now (average)

-          Standard shuttle walking test, level 4/12 in November and level 8/12 now in May, huge success.

-          2 clothing sizes dropped in tops and 2 clothing sizes dropped in pants

It is this information that is keeping me motivated to stay on track and keep up with this new journey.  I cannot believe where I was headed to where I am now, I am a brand new person with a new outlook on life.  I can do things now that we're such a task before because I was too tired or just couldn't move.  I know I still have more weight to loose and do plan on entering into this program again in November when my current program finishes because this is working for me.  I want to be as healthy as I can be with whatever weight I finish up at after next round.  Some people have said "why spend more money and do this program again?" Well, this is the only thing that has worked for me to date and its about my health in the long run and what's another year anyway in a journey I have committed myself to, to get healthy.  I am on a "Big Journey" and this is only just the beginning!!

Week 23....finger food anyone

A little delayed in posting but life has been rather busy.  Week 23 has passed and last week I lost another 2 lbs for a total of 89 lbs lost to date.  Officially eating only food for a little over a week now and even though I have embraced this change with open arms, it has been a bit surreal at the same time.  This past week I have been tempted more than once to slip back into a few old habits, and at this point it is because I know I made it through such a hard journey that I almost feel the need to "take a break" if that even seems realistic.  It took all my skills to stay away from old habits but I did it...until Saturday evening rolled around. 

Saturday night I attended my first house gathering since finishing liquid completely and it was tough....there was a large crowd and a large amount of finger food on the tables.  I started the night feeling confident, I had my eyes on a few items that I knew I would have, fruit from a fruit tray and cut up veggies.  Thursday evening at group session we received an extended food list which usually is not provided until week 33 but the program instructors have made a change to hand it out at this point in the program instead.  This new exchange list includes such items as, bread, crackers, cheese, hummus, shellfish, pork, red meat, lamb etc.  The list goes on.  When I first looked at the list I knew right away there are items that I am not interested in introducing back into my food choices.  Example:  breads, red meat, cow's milk, pasta.  But there were a few that I wanted to learn to enjoy in moderation: cheese, shellfish, hummus, crackers.  Saturday night the table was was filled with cheese blocks, cheese platters with chutney, crackers, sweets and cakes.  I ate my veggies and fruit, but something inside of me said..."try some cheese, it is on your list now", so i tried some cheese on a cracker and it was delicious.  That quickly turned into a few pieces of cheese and crackers, a turkey meatball, a bacon wrapped water chestnut and some type of dip that I do not know the name of but it was good.  As the night progressed I quickly started to recognize my old behaviors, the old me would have had 10 of everything on the table and probably wouldn't have left the table, but I noticed that this new me was able to take a step back and make the choice to not eat any more.  Did I foresee myself loosing control that evening, not at all, but I am so happy that I was able experience this situation as we all know life is not an easy book.  Did I eat more than I should have? no because I counted all of the calories as best as I could and I did not pass my daily caloric maximum.  It is scary how quickly my mind turned and I made the choice to eat a few things I said just a few hours before that I would take my time introducing back.  I have been reflecting on Saturday nights experience for the past two days.  I do not feel one bit of guilt as I know I did not over indulge, but I was upset with myself because of how quickly I started to loose control.  This battle is a tough one and I would take liquid back any day to having to make responsible food choices on a daily basis.  Liquid was easy but it was also the easy way out, I did not have a choice then and now I do.  I want to make the right choices but also want to be realistic and live life.  For me these next 6 months will be the hardest for me because I am fighting an addiction, not just a want for food.  

This past week and a half I have been getting used to my new caloric intake and it has been an adjustment that's for sure,  I am taking it slow and not stressing if I miss a protein exchange or an extra fruit exchange.  I was given a new caloric intake of 2000 calories by the dietitian, at first I thought to myself, how in the world am I going to eat 2000 calories after only eating 900-1200 these past 4 months.  With shakes no longer in the picture and with each day that passes it is getting easier.  I talked to the group dietitian questioning her on whether or not it is OK for me to miss an exchange or two if I am just not feeling hungry and what she said was that it was OK to slowly transition up to my new caloric intake and take my time with introducing the increase in food.  With a little over a week into solid food I have not had a day yet where I actually ate the 2000 calories but I am getting there.  After a few weeks I will be assessed to see if my new calorie count is working for my body, at this point I have not gained any weight back and if that continues I will keep on trekking.  I am spending quite a bit of time focusing on my daily walks, I did not really exercise at all during my liquid phase and its only been these past two weeks where I made walking a daily regime.  I have been walking on my lunch breaks at work, I started out walking 15 minutes around the block and as of today I am now up to 25 minutes and feeling more confident with that number.  I am so proud with my progress on this journey, I am doing things I haven't done in years and that is because of the weight loss.  I never thought I would reach 89 lbs in 5 months, it is so unreal, I am smaller now then when my husband and I first started dating.  My husband and I are eating better then we ever have and are focusing on living a healthier lifestyle.   

The Lindor Chocolate Bunny

Week 22 is finished and with another 2 lbs lost this week for a total of 87 lbs to date I am feeling great. The purpose of this post is to acknowledge and remind myself that I will always have cravings and wants. As tonight's group session finished, so have my shakes. I wake up tomorrow with a clear mind and 1200 calories of solid food to consume. No shakes!

I am fighting a scratchy throat and after tonights group session I decided to head to the local pharmacy to pick up some sugar free throat lozenges and a bottle of water. Little did I know that a Lindor chocolate Easter bunny would become an ultimate challenge. Along this journey and after reaching ketosis I really haven't had that many cravings beyond getting through the early stages but tonight was another one of those moments where I had to rely on all my learned skills to help me get through it. I found myself wandering around the store looking at different things, throat lozenges and water already in hand. I went down the Easter candy isle and sitting on the shelf all by itself was this gold wrapped dark chocolate Lindor bunny. This time last year I would have already eaten a dozen of them. This bunny was on my mind the entire time i was in the store and I frequently went back down the isle to look at the bunny. I wanted to buy this bunny and eat it so bad, I even picked it up and smelt it a few times. I kept telling myself that I "deserve" this chocolate bunny because I made it through Optifast. I can eat it on the way home and not feel guilty. It's only one bunny. I do know that it is only one bunny, but what I am not sure of yet is how I will handle an addiction food once consumed, will I actually enjoy it, will my desire to eat the item come roaring back? The old me would not have thought twice and bought the bunny and ate it probably without tasting it. These moments are so important in this journey because now I actually stop and think before putting something into my mouth. Making it through moments like this also help to build confidence in knowing I am getting stronger at avoiding the temptations. What ultimately made me decide to put the bunny down and walk away? I am not sure yet but I am hoping that by journaling and blogging about the experience will provide me with clarity each time I reflect back or I am faced with another food challenge. No one ever said this would be an easy journey, breaking habits and addictions are a life long fight and I think that perhaps I may have started to answer my previous questions as to why I decided to put the bunny down. Put the bunny down, it is the addiction trying to sneak its way back in and I can get through it one Lindor bunny at a time!!

My Last Shake

Well today is almost over, I am back from my weekly group session and have mixed feelings over the fact that I do not have a shake for tomorrow. I left tonight feeling like something was missing, no more mixing shakes in the run, no more shakes in my car or even while at a function. I made it through 12 weeks of solid shakes and 5 weeks of shake/food transition. Looking back to my starting week, reaching the end of shakes seemed so far away at the time and here I am now, completely finished. It's a surreal feeling knowing that I will not have a shake to rely on anymore for that quick meal on the go. I came home tonight and packing breakfast, lunch and a snack took so much time then previously. But perhaps it was just me thinking it took a long time to prep because I wanted to grab my shake. No more washing that dang Optifast shaker, I really did not enjoy that and even though cleaning up after cooking and eating meals seems much more tedious it is nothing compared to making sure the shaker was always clean for the next shake.

With having group session tonight I did not have the time to eat supper so like with most weeks my shake became my supper. I filled my container with lots of ice and made sure my water was extra cold. I was careful to not water the shake down too much so it was thick and drank it slow. Like on the first night I slowly sipped the shake and rolled the liquid around in my mouth savouring each drink and relishing on the fact that if it was not for these shakes I wouldn't be where I am today. These shakes brought me clarity and allowed my body and mind to recognize my food addictions and behaviours around food. They allowed me the opportunity to deal with hard situations like Christmas dinner, a special occasion or having a bad day and know that food is not always the answer. These shakes have given me my life back and assisted me with working towards making a healthier lifestyle for myself and my husband.

So, here's to the shake! Until we meet again next round!

Week 21...my last week with optifast!

Week 21 has started which means I am on my last week of optifast/food and officially down to 7 shakes to consume. It was surreal this morning as I opened the cupboard and grabbed my last Thursday shake. With everyday that passes this week I plan to savour those shakes as they are the reason I am where I am today. In the beginning I wondered how I was going to get through it and today I am so happy I made it through it!

Last night I had group session and another amazing loss of 5.5lbs for a total of 85 lbs to date. I have been following everything to the book and weighing and measuring all my exchange items. I feel confident knowing that as I continue introducing more calories I will be able to handle this. I have to allow this confidence to be heard because it is a reminder that every day sticking to my new lifestyle is a success in not allowing my food addiction to creep back in. Some people may say that I am being too strict on myself and I should allow myself the occasional "treat", what is a "treat" anyway? That word "treat" for me is associated with many emotional eating episodes and there are no such things as treats to me now. Food is food and when the time is right and i feel that I may want something not on my exchange list i will embrace and I will use everything I have learned to decide whether or not I actually want that item and enjoy it to the fullest if I decide to have it. That right there is change to its fullest!!

Last night we focused on cardiovascular exercise and we were able to get into the gym and move. I have started to incorporate activity in my daily life and have noticed I am much more eager to get moving and be active now that it is easier to move around. I plan to work on strengthening my core and just walk! I have started to walk on my lunch breaks just for 15 minutes and my husband and I are planning over the next 8 weeks to work up to 60 minutes of walking 3-5 days a week. Start slow and work my way up is the key. I want to use my body for activity, I won't pay for a gym at this point, I am just going to walk :). Thinking back to where I was physically at the start of this program, walking was a chore. Last night I bent over in a chair and tied my shoes! Like frig, I haven't done that in years. I bent over while sitting and tied my shoes. That definitely needs to be added my "be inspired" journal!